...we live by passion and not by law... (3spacestoosmall) wrote,
...we live by passion and not by law...
3spacestoosmall

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Silly Rabbit...

I'm fucking bored as shit right now... My cousin and I are sitting here contemplating what the fuck to do in this beautiful little village of ours...

We've come up with:

1.) Eat egg salad sandwiches...

and that's about it...

So, this was a great weekend... I actually had fun for a change. Friday... Katie and Danielle and I attempted at making brownies and cookies... It didn't work out so well for us.. Each time something was burnt, by no fault of ours. One time, some dick put the over on five hundred degrees.

That's AWESOME...

Then we went to the grocery store to buy peanut butter for our peanut butter cookies. We played with the bouncy balls in the aisles and had some lady (whom none of us know) watch us and laugh hysterically... Then, my obsessive compulsive disorder kicked my ass and I saw muellers thin spaghetti noodles next to spartan elbow macaroni (those are the only two details I have remembered of this weekend)and returned the noodles to their rightful aisle... Until Dani and Kath decided that it would be hilarious and tortuous of them to take EVERYTHING and switch it up... Then we played soccer with a box of Lasagne (spelled how it was on the box) noodles... When in the checkout lane, there were two "cowboys" in front of us with two cases of bud light and both had just cashed their checks... We made conversation BEFORE we figured out they were cashing their checks. The one, more "eccentric" cowboy (probably an oxymoron)mentioned something about having someone to buy flowers for and stared at me with a half cocked cmirk and a gleam in his eye... THEN Tanya shelled out the 753 dollars remaining of the mans check... "You should give US some of that money... we're so goddamn poor we can't even pay 2 bucks for a jar of GOOD peanut butter!" upon which he mentioned something about a party at his house and us "ladies" should come out...

CHA CHING!!

we didn't go. But, it was cool that we got invited. Friday night we got all sorts of fucked up and attempted at watching Pauly Shore is Dead... that didn't go too well, either. I crawled into my bed with Steve at about... 10:00 am. When my aunt asked me and Steven to come downstairs and make egg salad sandwiches... I said "Fuck that noise, dude... I'm sleeping" and slept until three... Went to Bradley's benefit, which did spectacular for those of you that were there and wondering how it went I'm SURE we made over 5 grand on the AUCTION... Not that anyone told me, I am just guessing... Saturday I made a duct tape wallet that is the WHIP and Kath and I are making an industry of it... Making and selling duct tape apparel and accesories... We came home, got fucked up... Got ERICA fucked up... Katie came to the house and fell and blacked her eye somehow... And... I went to bed at about six something this morning after watching Pauly Shore is Dead and drinking another beer and a HUGE white russian after everyone went to sleep... Smoked a cigarette. Woke up at eleven and ate egg salad sandwiches... And that's ALL...

I am in quite the predicament here... I have a boyfriend whom I love dearly and care very much for... But I'm not sure how MUCH... I have this friend who is a guy who is fucking sexy as balls and sweet as pie and so much fun to be around and caring and... I love him. I love the kid with all of my heart. My boyfriend is in prison at no fault of mine and I don't know if I can wait for him... Or if I should... I don't even know anymore... But I don't think "he" likes me like that... I don't know, I could be wrong... But I don't want to make an ass out of myself by asking him... I think I should just tell him but I don't want to ruin our friendship... And I don't want to feel guilty for the rest of my life for second-guessing my relationship...

I'm seventeen fucking years old and I feel like I'm 25... I do EVERYTHING... I do the dishes and the laundry and clean up after my cousins and after my aunt and uncle and my fucking cousins parties and... It gets tiring being the only person with the initiative to not be slovenly and fucking live like a human instead of a fucking hog. It sucks to know that I might be failing my senior year of high school but my "family" is giving such a fucking hard time about the way the house looks... Like everything is my fault. The other night, my back hurt from standing and making cookies and shit practically all by myself and my uncle Stuart dared to say something to the effect of "You have so much shit wrong with you and you can blame that on your parents..." First off, he's not my blood... He doesn't even know ANYTHING about my mom, he doesn't know shit about my dad, and he sure as fuck doesn't know the first goddamn thing about me... Now, my dad is an abusive prick, yeah. My mom is a bipolar manic depressive schizoid freak, yeah... I picked up my moms mental disorders and learned my dads abusiveness but am too afraid to abuse anyone else so I constantly abuse myself... I take way too many pills at night hoping I don't wake up in the morning... Or at all for that matter... I bite my tongue more often than I speak because I get so goddamn irritated at my cousins fat lazy ass and his "I know everything" conversation and his fucking annoying-ness or irritated at my aunts expecting me to do everything like I'm fucking Cinderella... Like I don't buy my own prescriptions, like I don't pay my own phone bill... AJ doesn't do shit... Not a goddamn fucking thing except eat, drink (alcohol more often than not, the fucking loser), bitch, brag, boast, shit, piss, sleep, and watch cartoons... That may seem like a long list, but it's a long list of bullshit. He gets a 200 some dollar check every month and blows it in two weeks on booze and beer... I'm lucky if I have six fucking dollars in a month and end up having to buy my depression medication prescription or my fucking stomach medicine or my fucking migraine medicine... I pay my own phone bills, he has a cell phone with over 100 dollars in bills a month and doesn't pay not one red cent to it... The lazy fucking prick. He goes to school two days out of the week, the rest of the time he sleeps until he has to come get me from school. He won't take me anywhere when he smokes out of MY fucking bowl when he takes MY pain pills when he takes MY sedatives... he's a stingy greedy spoiled rotten little bitch and I would love nothing more than to beat the living shit out of him and show him what life is like... 150,000 dollars he got from his "my-daddy-died" check... And it's gone... He drives a HUGE fucking Expedition with a stereo system (that he doesn't know how to tweak correctly, he thinks the bass needs to be up ALL the way ALL the time and the treble halfway... imbecile), and a case of beer in the passenger seat always... He's a piece of dick... Granted, I smoke his cigarettes... Granted, I drink beer and liquor that he usually pays for... But so does everyone else... And at least I can say that I clean his fucking room (because his mom makes me) and that I do his dirty fucking dishes (because his mom makes me) and I clean up after his mess in the living room and in the kitchen and in the computer room (because his mom makes me) and I've had it up to my goddamn eyeballs with all the fucking bullshit...

I need to smoke a cigarette and take something... And do the dishes and give Matt Jordan his gun... Because AJ is on the phone eating god knows what and watching cartoons... Probably talking about drinking alcoholic beverages tonight because he's such a fucking LOSER.

God, I'm fucking irate...

Have a nice day and sorry about all my mindless bitching,
<3anastasia<3
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